


It’s Hard to Kiss with a Mask on Your Lips

by bernard_greybridge



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up & Making Up, Cheating, Child Abuse, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Back Together, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Infidelity, M/M, Nonbinary My Unit | Byleth, Past Child Abuse, Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Sad with a Happy Ending, Spoilers for Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-16 00:21:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28697616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bernard_greybridge/pseuds/bernard_greybridge
Summary: "It's not what you think.” Sylvain clenched his fist. Unless she thought that he was just a horrible human being, then it was exactly as she thought."He saw you two kissing in the alley when he left," Ingrid snapped.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd & Felix Hugo Fraldarius & Ingrid Brandl Galatea & Sylvain Jose Gautier, Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Comments: 8
Kudos: 56





	It’s Hard to Kiss with a Mask on Your Lips

**Author's Note:**

> I just submitted my last requirement for this semester! So clearly, I had to celebrate that by writing this instead of sleeping early for the first time since before quarantine.

Every time Felix's lips pressed against Sylvain's, it was like he had been struck by a Thunder. The redhead had never had trouble kissing before, but even just the tiniest peck made him smile too wide for any type of comfortable tongue action. Felix just made him so damn happy.

So, in true Gautier fashion, he had to ruin it.

It had been after an especially horrible Miklan nightmare, and Sylvain had needed to get out of his own head. Felix was away assisting another class with some battle, and the rest of the Blue Lions students were making preparations for their own mission this moon.

Which was how Sylvain ended up doing what he usually did before he got together with his childhood friend, drinking at a tavern and flirting with some of the patrons. A particularly receptive girl asked if she could buy him a drink, and the next thing he knew, they were making out in the alley.

It was so much easier to kiss people who didn't make him happy.

When Sylvain managed to stumble back to the dormitory, he was greeted with a slap to the face. If he didn't know any better, he would've thought Ingrid had been studying to be a brawler.

"What was that for?" He demanded, rubbing his stinging cheek. When he met the blonde's green eyes, he recoiled at the unbridled fury.

"Sylvain," Ingrid spoke with deceptive calmness. Her lectures were usually loud and angry. Now, her voice was even and sharp. He already wished she would go back to slapping him. "Felix had been asked to assist with a mission for the Golden Deer House earlier today."

"Yeah?" The redhead's ale induced mind started racing. "They just had to rout some bandits right? Did something happen?"

"They're all fine, the mission was a success.” Her eyes softened a fraction, before hardening again. "So much so, in fact, that Claude had convinced their professor to let them have celebratory drinks in the tavern nearby on the march back."

"Ingrid.” He shut his eyes, dread already crawling up his spine. His face gradually morphed into his mask, he couldn't permit himself to break now.

"So imagine Felix's surprise," the blonde continued, a certain edge to her tone, like a dagger pressed against his throat. "When he saw you, his boyfriend and oldest friend, flirting with some random girl that—“

"It's not what you think.” Sylvain clenched his fist. Unless she thought that he was just a horrible human being, then it was exactly as she thought.

"He saw you two kissing in the alley when he left," Ingrid snapped. The two were in a wordless staring context for what felt like moons.

"What do you want me to say, Ingrid?" He shook his head.

"I want to know why." She pinned him with her eyes. “Because the Sylvain I know would never do something like that."

"Then I guess you really don't know me all that well.” The redhead shrugged.

The knight in training closed her eyes, as if mutely praying to the Goddess. Soon, both sides of his face were left with a stinging handprint.

"I've seen you do a lot of bad stuff.” The blonde levelled him with a look somewhere between disgust and disappointment. "But I've stayed your friend because I always knew that you were a good person inside. I always knew that there had to be a line. I always thought that I, or Dimitri, or at the very least Felix, was that line."

Sylvain felt his mask quiver, but he held firm. It was practice for the inevitable confrontation with Felix.

"But maybe you're right," Ingrid spat. "Perhaps I don't know you."

He watched her turn on her heels and storm off to the training grounds.

"Where is he?" he heard a voice that sounded an awful lot like his ask.

"He's sparring with His Highness to let off some steam.” Ingrid didn't even bother turning back to look at him. "I think I'll join them."

Eventually, Sylvain trudged back to his room. In front of his door, he found a box full of small things he left behind in Felix's room. Textbooks he brought over for make out sessions guised as study sessions, the board game full of dents from Felix throwing it across the room upon his defeat, notes from seminars filled with doodles of the faces Felix made during the lecture portion. When he entered his bedroom, he found that Felix had taken the liberty of doing the same with the stuff he had left there.

That night, instead of dreaming of killing the slightly more demonic form of his brother, he dreamt of drowning in the well said demonic brother pushed him into as a child. Only this time, when Felix finally found him half submerged in the pit, he turned away and never looked back.

The next day was a school day, and Sylvain had to basically drag himself to the Blue Lions classroom. He was automatically hit with accusatory glares the moment he entered. Felix sat next to Ingrid on the opposite side of their usual seats. Anette and Ashe sat in front of them, so the three were like a protective barrier surrounding the swordsman.

Surprisingly, it was his two shorter peers who looked at him with heat in their eyes. Ingrid elected to not look at him at all. However the message was clear. He was not supposed to talk to Felix.

Felix's usual seat in the front next to his was taken by Dimitri, while Dedue and Mercedes sat behind them. Dimitri gave him what was probably a disappointed father look. Sylvain wouldn’t know, his father didn’t pay him enough mind for him to decipher his expressions. Dedue was his usual stoic self, but his features seemed much sharper. And Sylvain was doing his best to not meet Mercedes’s analytical gaze at all. That girl could just see right through him.

When Byleth finally entered the room, it was suffice to say that the tension in the atmosphere was palpable. They could’ve probably cut through it with the Sword of the Creator. Then again, as evident by how they had escaped the void by literally stabbing at the ether and gaining the power of the Goddess, it could probably be concluded that they could cut through anything with that thing.

“In lieu of a mission this moon, you will all be accompanying me to the Holy Tomb,” Byleth announced. Their eyes darted between Sylvain and Felix and how they were clearly not seated next to each other for the first time since they started teaching. “Lady Rhea hopes that the Goddess will bless us with some form of revelation.”

As the professor relayed their assignment, Sylvain kept glancing back to the second row, hoping to catch a glimpse of Felix’s face. However, the others had been strategic in their rearranged seat plan, and had placed Dedue the mountain of a man in between him and his ex.

Sylvain sighed, and tried to pay attention as Byleth told them about how Rhea was hoping that the professor was going to get possessed by Sothis or something.

Sylvain got the sense that Felix didn’t want to be anywhere near him, so he avoided all of the designated Felix areas. Which just meant that he spent as much time away from the dorms as possible and avoided the training grounds like the plague.

He decided to visit the greenhouse, maybe see if there were any newly grown flowers to pick for unsuspecting lovers. The professor loved to garden, after all. However, when he arrived at the greenhouse, he heard a pleasant hum. It must’ve been Annette’s turn to water the plants then.

But while Annette loved to sing loudly as she worked, this time her humming was soft, somewhat more intimate. He tried not to make any noise as he approached, knowing his classmate easily startled. As he neared the sound of her voice, he noticed that there were actually two people in the greenhouse.

Upon a closer inspection, he saw that she was joined by Felix. The two were on the floor, Annette sitting upright and leaning against the potted plants while Felix was lying down on her lap, eyes closed. She was singing to him.

Sylvain supposed that made sense. The two looked good together. And Felix obviously deserved better. Annette would make Felix so much happier than Sylvain ever could.

Sylvain stormed off, choosing instead to head to the tavern for a drink.

Unfortunately, Sylvain could not avoid Felix forever. They were classmates as well as next door neighbors at the dormitory, after all. Plus, he was enrolled in the Officers Academy, so he had to spend some time in the training grounds eventually. Damn school requirements.

And, because Felix basically lived in the training grounds, of course he was there when Sylvain arrived to practice his lance work.

He was meant to spar with Dimitri while Dedue supervised. However, it seemed that Ashe was helping Felix train using a bow. Felix had mentioned that the professor suggested that he aim for an assassin certificate next.

“Sylvain?” Dimitri called, snapping Sylvain back to the task at hand. “Are you ready?”

“Sure thing, Your Highness.” Sylvain winked, plastering back his perky mask.

The two dueled with their lances, and it was clear that Dimitri was holding himself back. He had several advantages over Sylvain, after all. Sylvain was used to fighting while mounted, but Dimitri was comfortable on foot. Plus, Dimitri was just naturally and inhumanely stronger. What definitely didn’t help Sylvain’s case, though, was seeing Felix from the corner of his eye.

Or more specifically how Ashe was guiding Felix through the steps of shooting an arrow. The shorter boy was pressed up against Felix’s back, head over his shoulder to get a better view of how Felix was holding the bow. He grasped the back of both of his hands to help with his grip and aim. All with such a sunshiny expression.

Sylvain blinked owlishly as he realized that he was suddenly on the ground, the tip of Dimitri’s lance pointed at his neck.

“You seem quite distracted today, Sylvain.” Dimitri frowned. “More so than usual.”

Sylvain had a witty remark on the tip of his tongue, but he swallowed it down as he saw Felix stomp towards them. From his peripheral vision, he saw Ashe waving goodbye as he exited the training grounds.

“Lap Dog!” Felix hissed. “Spar with me. I need to brush up on my brawling.”

“I thought that you were focused on training with a bow today,” Dedue commented, but still selecting a pair of gauntlets from the display rack.

“Bows are for cowards who are too afraid to face their opponents in a real fight.” Felix scowled. “I’ll just become a swordsmaster instead.”

As the two started to grapple, Dimitri turned to him once more.

“Have you talked to Felix at all?” Dimitri inquired as he readied his lance.

“Your Highness, you know Felix. He isn’t exactly a chatterbox.” Sylvain forced a laugh out of his throat as he jabbed forward.

“Apologies, my friend.” Dimitri easily blocked his next strike and counterattacked. “Let me rephrase. Have you tried talking to him?”

Sylvain wordlessly parried the blow and pushed back, putting more force into his hits than necessary.

“What am I supposed to say?” Sylvain’s grip on his lance tightened. He tried not to think of how defeated and desperate his voice sounded as he asked.

“You could start by saying that you’re sorry,” Dimitri suggested with a raised eyebrow.

If Sylvain held his lance any tighter, it would burst into splinters.

“Boar!” Felix barked from the other side of the training field. “Switch with me. You’re holding yourself back. How do you expect to be king if you don’t try to better yourself? Don’t worry, your Lap Dog can take a hit or two.”

Sylvain caught Dimitri’s eyes darting to him for a moment, full of concern. But Dimitri was hapless to Felix’s commands, as spineless and people pleasing as he was.

He watched with bated breath as Dedue grabbed an axe and Felix unsheathed his sword. Felix stood before him, expression as unreadable as ever. He nodded to Sylvain, signaling the start of the match.

Felix was basically dancing around Sylvain’s attacks, jumping and ducking and sidestepping before he could make contact.

“I get it Felix.” Sylvain huffed just as Felix did a backflip. “You won the White Heron Cup. Stop showing off!”

“You’re just mad because I was the only one who did well in the dance lessons our parents made us all take.” Felix rolled his eyes.

“Hey, we were in a class with His Highness and Ingrid. The bar was set low.” Sylvain smirked slyly. “And I just got distracted watching how flexible you were.”

A series of emotions flickered through Felix’s face, before settling his features into a sneer and hardened eyes. Felix was seething as he lunged forward with new vigor, swiping at Sylvain’s feet and knocking him to the ground.

“You had more of a reach with your lance than I did with my sword,” Felix noted, tone clipped. “You should’ve taken advantage of that. And you need to work on fighting while unmounted.”

“Got it, got it.” Sylvain raised his arms placatingly. Then, throwing caution to the verdant wind, he winked at him. “I’d forgotten how hot you looked when you get all analytical.”

Something that looked alarmingly close to hurt flashed in Felix’s eyes.

“I would prefer it if you ceased making those types of comments,” Felix grit his teeth, clearly biting back a snarl.

With that, Felix turned around and made his way to Dimitri and Dedue, demanding a new sparring partner.

“You seem to be coming here an awful lot,” Mercedes noted as she took the seat across from him.

Sylvain, as his classmate oh so helpfully pointed out, was in the tavern. He might have spent a bullion’s worth of ale this moon alone.

“Why, Mercedes! If you longed for my company, all you needed to do was ask.” Sylvain plastered his charming mask back on. When he was as drunk as he was now, he stopped being able to tell when the mask ended and his real face began.

“Well then, this is me asking,” Mercedes proclaimed with a motherly smile. “I wanted to talk with you.”

“Anything for a lady as lovely as yourself!” Sylvain grinned, swallowing a hiccup.

“How are things between you and Felix?” Mercedes asked with pursed lips.

“Aiming right for the jugular, aren’t you?” Sylvain forced out a laugh.

When Mercedes only continued to look at him worriedly, he sighed.

“Things have been just peachy.” Sylvain’s grip on his tankard tightened.

“If you don’t want to talk about it, please just tell me.” Mercedes furrowed her eyebrows, concerned. “I would rather not be lied to.”

“No, that’s the thing!” Sylvain slammed his tankard onto the table, shaking the silverware. “Felix has been acting like everything’s normal! He talks to me the same way, he trains just as much, he doesn’t seem to be affected at all.”

Sylvain laughed again, less strained this time, but somehow sounding even more hollow.

“How selfish can I be, wanting my best friend to be torn up about me cheating on him.” He shook his head, empty eyes trained on the ale he had spilled. “I guess he must have been looking for an out, anyway. What was I thinking, believing I deserved to be happy with somebody like Felix.”

His classmate watched him with an unreadable expression on her face as he took another swig.

“You know, for someone who has known Felix for as long as you have, you‘re kind of bad at reading him,” Mercedes commented, carefully sliding his tankard away from him and into her own hands.

“What are you talking about?” Sylvain made grabby motions for the alcohol, yearning to down the rest of his purchase. “Felix has been doing great without me! He has Ashe toe help him with his training and I even saw Annette singing to him the other day. Either of them would be better for him anyway.”

“And why do you think he has been spending so much time with them?” Mercedes asked, taking a curious sniff of the tankard’s contents. Shrugging, she lifted it up and took a tentative sip.

“Because he’s moved on?“ Sylvain tried to swipe the tankard back, but Mercedes merely raised it up and chugged the whole thing. “Because Annette is cute and Ashe is adorable and Goddess knows that either of them would make Felix way happier than if he had stayed with me?”

She raised a finger as she gulped down the last of the ale, elegantly wiping her mouth with a napkin.

“Felix is heartbroken, Sylvain,” Mercedes spoke softly. “I’m not saying that just to be cruel or to make you feel guilty. But I think we both know that you’re smart enough to realize that he’s not as unfazed as you say he is. He seeks people out for comfort because he’s been near inconsolable. His Highness has told me that he has often heard Felix crying in his room when he knows that you’re here.”

“Then why hasn’t he talked to me about it?” Sylvain shook his head, suddenly dizzy. “Why hasn’t he yelled at me? Why would he insist on acting normal?”

“Perhaps because he doesn’t wish to lose you completely,” Mercedes suggested lightly. “He already lost you as his boyfriend. He doesn’t want to lose you as his best friend, as well.”

Sylvain let out a loud groan, which turned into a burp somewhere in the middle. He turned to a suddenly very blurry Mercedes.

“What should I do?” He asked desperately.

“Talk to him.” She shrugged.

And Sylvain had planned to. Really.

But then their mission in the Holy Tomb ended up with Edelgard declaring a war against the Church, and Dimitri absolutely losing his mind over the betrayal.

“Your Highness, please you need to get some rest!” Annette urged with Mercedes and Dedue nodding their heads along sagely.

“You’ve been awake for days,” Ashe agreed, chewing on his lower lip. “I understand that the stakes are high, but this isn’t healthy.”

Despite their best efforts, Dimitri brushed them off dismissively. Eventually, only Sylvain, Ingrid, and Felix had remained with the prince in the classroom. Dedue had to actually be ordered to leave, and it was the first command that the Duscurian looked like he wanted to protest obeying.

“Come on, Your Highness, just come with us to lunch!” Sylvain insisted. “It’ll be just like old times! Like when—“

“No,” Dimitri growled grimly under his breath. “The ghosts. They long for her head. I must avenge them.”

“Please, Your Highness, we only wish to help you,” Ingrid pressed.

“They’re right, Boar.” Felix glowered at the prince. “How can you be expected to take care of an entire kingdom when you can’t even take care of yourself?”

“How can you, of all people, say that, Felix?” Dimitri roared. “She was responsible for the death of Glenn! Do you not care?”

Sylvain leered at the prince, righteously offended on his friend’s behalf. Ingrid looked equally indignant. She opened her mouth, a lecture on the tip of her tongue, but Felix beat her to it.

“Don’t you dare bring my brother into this!” Felix erupted. “He died for your sake! And you repay him by running yourself to the ground to meet him again! You’re nothing more but a—“

“Hey guys, why don’t we all take a moment and calm down?” Sylvain moved to stand between him, arms raised placatingly.

“You don’t get a say in this either, Sylvain!” Dimitri bellowed, wild eyes suddenly fixed on him, looking almost predatory. “You still have both of your parents, and you don’t even appreciate everything they’ve done for you! You’re just an ungrateful, entitled, privileged, obnoxious, bratty skirt chaser!”

Felix surged forward, unbridled fury in his eyes, but Ingrid held him back. Instead, it was the loyal knight who calmly stepped forward to Dimitri.

The noise of the resounding slap seemed to echo across the room. Sylvain blinked owlishly as he realized that it was Ingrid who had smacked the crowned prince across the face. She glanced back at Sylvain, unhinged empathy in her eyes. It might have been the first time she had looked at him in the eye at all since she found out about his infidelity. At least while not looking so full of contempt.

Felix hooked their arms together and dragged Sylvain to the dorms. Neither spoke a word until they reached Sylvain’s room. Smart, since both of the adjacent rooms should be vacant, so none would be able to eavesdrop.

The moment Felix shut the door, he wrapped his arms around Sylvain, fisting the back of his shirt.

“I’m sorry he said that,” Felix whispered into his collar. “He was way out of line.”

“I mean, it’s not like he’s wrong.” It was pathetic how easy it was for Sylvain to slip his mask back on.

“But he was.” Felix gave him a stern look, pulling away. “We both know you’re so much more than what he called you. And we also both know your parents have done nothing to warrant your care. Just because you haven’t experienced what the Boar went through doesn’t mean your life has been easy.”

Felix averted his gaze.

“And just because he’s suffered doesn’t give him a free pass to be an asshole.” Felix huffed.

“We’re not just talking about His Highness now, are we?” Sylvain felt his mask slip away for a moment.

Felix sighed as he took a seat on his desk chair. Sylvain made himself comfortable on the edge of his bed.

“Miklan’s a bastard and your parents aren’t any better,” was Felix’s opener. “And that explains a lot of your actions, but it doesn’t excuse them. When you mess up, it’s still you. Not Miklan. Not your parents. Not your insecurity. Not the alcohol. You.”

“I’m sorry that I hurt you, Felix.” Sylvain bowed his head in shame, trying to tighten his grip on his mask. “I don’t know why I did it. I’ve been such a jerk, and I completely understand if you don’t want me in your life anymore. I didn’t meant to put you through all that heartache, and I feel like crap. I’m such a horrible—“

Felix raised his hand, gesturing for him to stop.

“Stop apologizing like that.” Felix narrowed his eyes at him. “It pisses me off. You keep acting like a dastard, then feel sorry for yourself. And when you apologize, instead of owning up to it, you succumb to self pity. I know you don’t mean it that way, but it’s like you’re manipulating me into forgiving you. I’m not supposed to care if you feel bad or not, what I want you to do is to actually put in the effort of becoming a better damn person!”

Sylvain felt his mask break apart, and he had never felt more exposed. More vulnerable. More seen.

“I’m sorry that I cheated on you.” Sylvain offered him an honestly sheepish look. “I really do regret doing it. But I feel so happy with you that I don’t think I deserve it, and I thought I needed to sabotage it. So when you finally realized that you could do better than me, I could just say that it was because I pushed you away.”

Felix wordlessly scooted the chair closer to him so that they were face to face.

“Do you love me?” Felix asked suddenly.

“With all my heart.” Sylvain nodded. “But—“

“Do you want to be with me?” Felix interrupted.

“More than anything in the world.” Sylvain answered breathlessly, before frowning. “But—“

“No buts,” Felix interjected with a scowl. “We love each other. We want to be with each other. Nothing else should matter, so stop trying to make things harder than it has to be.”

“That’s sort of my thing.” Sylvain laughed breathily. This time the air passed through his throat easily.

“Do you think I deserve to be happy?” Felix asked, ignoring Sylvain’s comment.

“I have never been more certain of anything in my life.” Sylvain grinned. It was small, but softer than what he was used to.

“Well then, you make me happy.” Felix smirked victoriously. “So let’s keep making each other happy. We can figure out all of the rest later. Together.”

Felix leaned in cautiously, giving Sylvain plenty of time to stop him. Instead, Sylvain met him halfway, slinging his arms around his neck, distantly aware of how Felix placed his hands firmly on his waist.

It was difficult to kiss him when Sylvain smiled so dopily. But Felix’s lips still tasted like a Thunder, all the same.

**Author's Note:**

> Why is my OTP in my least favorite house? I only write fanfiction for Blue Lions when I’m a Golden Deer person at heart. Black Eagles is cool, too. Please don’t cancel me.
> 
> The last scene was vaguely inspired by BoJack Horseman. Love that show.
> 
> I’m @berning_bridges on Twitter and bern-the-bridge on Tumblr~


End file.
